12:30 to Newcastle

9 Oct

Why is it that chaos finds you?

This was the question that Ma asked me when I went home for the weekend. At first I thought she was exaggerating but after looking back on my recent train journeys, I think she might be right. Chaos seems to follow me. Chaos and embarrassment. Continue reading

Schnapp Lap, Thriction Burn and Gigantica the Pizza

22 Sep

You might recall that last Wednesday, we were going to comedy night. The comedy was…mixed. Very mixed. How mixed? We went to the toilet and the bar before the first bloke had even finished his third ‘joke’. That’s how mixed it was. Continue reading

Four Nights and Half a Day of Freshers

16 Sep

As promised folks, I have returned with stories of my Fresher’s Week. Technically, the week isn’t over yet, but that’s no reason why I can’t fill you in on what’s happened so far, right?

As someone who doesn’t really do much besides complain, I was a little worried that there wouldn’t be much for me to do during Fresher’s Week. After all, I’m not a big drinker and I’ve never been out on the town (or should that be Toon?).

Should I have been worried? Not in the slightest. Continue reading

Brace Yourselves, Return Imminent

14 Sep

That’s right folks, a return is on its way. After a long, long, long, long break, I will be returning to inform you of the various embarrassing situations that I bring upon myself whilst at university. Oh that’s right, this is embarrassment on a higher education scale. Continue reading

Two Posts In One!

12 Feb

The title says it all really!

Last week, I promised you the two blog posts that I had written last week while doing my work experience at Coventry University.

And here they are. Both of them. In all their glory.

Alterations are courtesy of the very talented Karis, and I hope you enjoy them.

Just click on the two links below and you’re on your way!

City of Peace

Sports Stars of Tomorrow

Back To Work Experience

7 Feb

Hello! And welcome to the first post on Dutch Bennie this year. The subject of this post? Work Experience! Yes, work experience again. Again? I hear you say, well let me just explain. The UK government has decided to move work experience from year 10 to year 12, which meant that I’ve had to do it all over again. My first ever post was on work experience, and you can read it here. Continue reading

My Night With Marcie

15 Dec

As the title suggests, I spent yesterday night with the family dog Marcie. As usual, she wanted everyone to be with her where she could see, smell and annoy them. However, she had to put up with seeing, smelling and annoying me all night. Continue reading

Dog Prejudice

6 Nov

In the past week, I have experienced and witnessed dog prejudice. And it disgusted me. Continue reading

From High To Low In 26 Hours

16 Oct

Hello again, the ever complaining Dutch Bennie here, returning after a considerable absence from the blogging world. And what a rambling anecdote I have to return with. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, From High To Low In 26 Hours starring Dutch Bennie.

Our story begins yesterday at one o’clock as I walked into my AS History lesson. I was feeling good, not great, not fantabulous but good. After doing a History test on Friday, I was pretty confident that I might just be able to scrape a fail if I was lucky.

I feel that I should explain a little about A Level grades for those among you who don’t understand what I’m talking about. The grades are as follows;

A- Wow! What an amazing grade!

B- Wow! What an amazing grade!

C- Wow! You did good!

D- You did good!

E- You just scraped by kid!

Anything below an E- You failed, you utter moron!

So I walk into the class expecting to get beneath an E when wham! I am shocked to discover that I was one of two people who got a C in the test. Everyone else in the class got beneath that. I was stunned and speechless. Now I’m not bragging about my grade, but I am pretty proud of it.

This unexpected grade shot my mood right up and I went from feeling good to feeling great, which probably explains why I was a little out of control in my next History lesson, but we’ll gloss over the events of that hour.

No alarm set for me this morning!

No alarm set for me this morning!

Now we accelerate forward to this morning. I wake up and I feel good. I have the morning off so I can do whatever I want. This is where our transition from high to low begins, at Hour 19 and a half, when I take the dog out over the field for her walk.

As the dog and I get to the field, I let her off and she hurtles the length of the field to the woods, which she promptly enters and disappears from sight. Apart from some crashing, I wouldn’t have known where she’d gone. After about ten minutes of crashing and occasional glimpses of Marcie, I start to get pretty annoyed, so I shout her. And then I shout her again. And again.

Before I know it, I’m practically screaming at the top of my lungs trying to get my lunatic of a dog to come back to me or at least to get her to sit. Eventually I manage to ambush her by jumping through a bush into her line of sight. After shouting at her for being a little, disobedient moron, we go home.

Fast forward to quarter to one this afternoon. The heavens have opened and the rain is coming down thick and fast. I don’t leave at my normal time, I wait to see if the rain will let up. When it becomes clear that it won’t, I leave the house.

This was just the beginning...

This was just the beginning…

When I get to school, I’m soaked, drenched and drowned. My jeans have soaked through, my coat looks like it’s made of liquid and every time I move, a spray of water flies in every direction. I enter French, slightly late and simply say;

Sorry I’m late, my canoe capsized.

Embarrassing. This is where it really goes downhill very quickly. My clothes are dripping everywhere and I’m making the chair damp before we move to our next French class and do a small test about verbs and their endings. Out of a possible sixteen marks, I got five. The first five answers I got right and from then, everything was wrong. Some of the verbs I’d written weren’t even French verbs. In fact I don’t think they were verbs in any language.

And so ended my 26 hours. They started on a high and ended on a soul-crushing low that saw me fail a French test while sitting in damp jeans.

Still, I suppose it could’ve been worse, right?

The Next Chapter

6 Sep

September is here which means one thing- back to work, school and miserable weather. Before we know it, the winter months will be smothering us with their good will and happy tidings. Continue reading